Monday, October 29, 2007

My engine is dying...

This is a response to Zhixiang's post, you can view his entry by clicking the links on the right hand side.

I'm now at NTU canteen B typing this entry, using my laptop. Brought my laptop around, so that I can use my time wisely to do some Freshmen Orientation Camp(FOC) stuffs. Why? Let me explain alittle, I'm the Business Manager of the camp, together with 5 other Biz mags... we need to find jobs and sponsors. So I'm trying to settle this job that I found, and confirm the namelist, before November, so that I can focus on exams.

Recently, find that my engin is dying, I'm no longer as hardworking as I used to be. For example, I book out on friday night...haha, (i stay in hall), and I can slack all the way...until Monday afternoon when I book in. Yes, I just 1 2 relax...and relax.

Exams are coming, and until now I start to panic. Because November is coming! I have 2 tests coming up on wed, and I havent started studying, guess I have to hold on to buddha's leg this 2 days liao. Many tutorials can't finish, and sometimes I don't understand what the lecturer is talking about.

Hmm...my engine is dying, this makes me worry. So afraid that I can't make it to exams. People around me are mugging like mad, but I seems to slack like mad.

Was wondering... what if I can't survive 4 years in NTU...oh no.


My working desk...full of friends pic.

Sometimes when I study in hall, I get distracted....


The view outside my window...


Looking up the sky, so envious that the birds have so much freedom!


Haiz...i think I need to reflect on myself liao. I'm a slacker! Was thinking of JC days, I slack too much, that I almost flunk and retained. So afraid that it will happen in NTU, and I ta bao... and my roomie tiensoon, everytime we go canteen ta bao food, he will ask me to becareful...later will tabao. Aye, my roomie..haha. Joker sia.

Well, exams is coming in less than 20 days, siao liao!

Kevin Soh, you better buck up!

And to zhixiang, i finished reading to the last sentence...don't worry, you are not alone. Perhaps, that's the 'TWO FOUR' trait...

To others...why 'TWO-FOUR' ? Because both our birthdays fall on the 24 of the month.

Lame?

Okay lo...better go focus on my studies. Got to rush for econs lect... sianz!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Trying not to think .... but not to forget

Feeling better today. But whenever I left my group of friends, and walked alone around in school, I think about Cheston again. On the cab to work, his laughters surrounded me. There's a sense of emptiness these few days.

I saw my tagboard, saw many teared while reading my entries. Sorry, I didn't mean it. I think Cheston will be blaming me for influencing the moods of many.

I thought I will stop his entry yesterday, but I couldn't stop it. Now I'm at home, browsing through pictures in my computer, in my album, I saw Cheston's pictures... this time round not depressed, but I can imagine his jokes and lame actions while we were taking the photographs.


Guitar club at Ajc Prom Nite


Smile all!


Myself with Cheston, haha...we are so smart right!


After Guitar Concert, Daniel, Cheston , Me and Kelvin Chew

Well, i guessed its time to keep my feelings, and concentrate on my exams. I will try not to think about the recent incidents, but i will not forget.

My blog will need to have more happy events, so that I can spread the laughters to everyone.

Just like how Cheston did.

Today was at the Clinic working, this auntie told me....

"我可以帮我的 son 买 medicine 吗?I ask him to meet me here, but 他睡觉。He ah... likes to sleep alot, 每次睡了就不会醒。。。 睡了就不会醒。。。"

That phrase, was so familiar... '睡了就不会醒... '

I sighed in my heart, trying not to think, so it won't affect my job.

I know Dr Yuen looked at me, he sensed that too.

At home, I did a video for cheston. I hoped, one year later, ten years later, fifty years later, we will still remember we had such a great friend named Cheston.

Maybe , like the buddhist believes, he will reincarnate, and become your son, or even my son. If it's really the truth, then I think god wants us to repay Cheston, for his kindness that he spreaded to us.

Being imaginative? Nah...just an indirect way to think that he will come back to us one day.

Cheston, maybe you have internet access up there. This video is specially dedicated to you... promised me that you will make heaven a better place with your guitar skills. =)

And, a happier place.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Last Journey of his life

We sent Cheston off to the crematorium. Familiar faces from guitar club, Daniel, Kelvin, Lena , Cunyang, some juniors were there. Cheston classmates, Joseph, Eric, Cynthia, Lily were there too. Not forgetting his soulmate, Jeremy too.

The place was filled with sadness. Some were crying, some, just stood there, staring blankly into space. We all understand how it feels.

As Daniel recalls our days in Guitar club,
' Remember we duplicated guitar club keys?.... Remember Cheston and myself laugh at the harmonica instructor, and all of you get implicated? .... Remember .... '

Remember.

Cheston laughters and actions still stays clearly in my mind.

We were once part of the guitar club committee.

One by one, we went up to offer our last respect to Cheston, before we left for Mandai Crematorium. Many couldn't control their emotions.

Tears well up in my eyes.

But I controlled. It's very awful for a guy to cry. Cheston wants to see our smile for one last time.

' Cheston friends, please proceed to the first floor.' Ching Lee said.

Before I left, the helpers start to pack up the area. For that I realised, Cheston will leave us for now. There's a certain feeling which I couldn't describe. For the past few days, we can still feel Cheston around us. Most probably his body was at the wake. But in a few moment, his body will be... cremated. That feeling, really pains me alot.

Really.

The lift opens, the first drop of tears rolled down by cheek. Wiped away, remain calm.

So we waited downstairs, waiting for the coffin to be put inside the van. Everyone was feeling down.

Not long after that, we got a que from some uncle, and all of us started to stand behind the van. I know what is happening next.

Biting my lips.

As the chanting of the scriptures start to play, my heart sank. Step out my leg, as we together accompany Cheston one last time.

I cried.

I cried on the 5th day of his wake. I always thought that I'm strong enough. I thought that I had preparations before I came.

I was wrong.

Lena and Kelvin was beside me too. We said nothing. Lowered down our head, wishing that Cheston will tap on our shoulder and said, 'That's not me in the Van.'

The van stops. All of us will now board the bus and will sent us to Mandai Crematorium.

I walked past the Van. I saw the coffin inside. I knew Cheston was in there. I was so close to him. But this time was different. He's lying in there. Wake up cheston! You know we are here. Can you hear us? We like the songs you played.

Why? Why is it you?

I board the bus. Reluctantly turned my head forward. See you at Mandai , Cheston.

On the bus, it was very quiet. Until the bus passed by Cheston house, I heard people mentioning this is where Cheston stays. Daniel started to recall more events again. Telling us Cheston favourite food is chicken rice, recalling talent-time... I know daniel is trying to cheer us up. But I know deep in his heart, he is feeling very bad.

We reached.

Mandai Cremetorium

Together, we went in, finding a place to sit. I found a place, but maybe I was too tired, instead of calling, 'Daniel, Daniel, Here.' I called,

'Cheston, Cheston...'

People looked at me. I know I triggered the sadness in everyone again.

Sorry.

His picture was there. The incense was there. The coffin was there. Monk chanting scriptures, his brother paying respect to him. Images of Cheston flashed in my mind again. His happy moments in guitar club. Kept thinking about what Daniel said...kept thinking about the memories.

Finally, we were asked to stand up.

'Bow 3 times'

I bowed, this time. I really cried. A good one. Everyone couldn't control their emotions.

The helper came in to put 2 guitars on the coffin, his shirt and shorts. Now, the body is pulled out slowly, ready to be cremated.

Daniel cried. You can hear weeping and blocked nose... everywhere.

'Pls proceed this way'

We were asked to proceed to the Viewing hall. Again, everyone was feeling VERY down.

His coffin was out...

'CHESTON! CHESTON!' Vanessa shouted.

It really hurts me. It was very emotional at the scene. I couldnt control again, cried. This time round, was a very very bad cry.

In less than 1 minute, Cheston is gone.

His body is gone, forever.

Forever.

I don't know what to say. But I guessed everyone is feeling the same.

When was the last time I cried? I can't remember.

I kept telling everyone to be strong, Cheston wants us to stay happy as well. But I couldn't. I felt so ashamed of myself. It's easier said than done.

I know Lena was feeling very very bad. Everyone was trying to put up a smile after the cremation, but there's a knot in everyone's heart.

Daniel said, " Let's have a guitar gathering soon. Or maybe every year. On cheston's death anniversay, to remember him . '

I was touched, guitar club had never have decent outing before, since we graduated from AJC. Because the club was very segregated, with different groups. It was cheston's death, that make us realised the importance of friends, that bonded us together, once again.

We headed to Sin Ming road after the cremation. We didn't know heading there for what. Until we got down of the bus, then we realised the family had to burn a big paper house and car for cheston.

But on the bus, Kelvin let us listen a guitar piece played by Daniel and Cheston, on his phone. I think, that's the only recorded piece played by Cheston... it will served as a memory from now on.

At Sin Ming road, saw the ashes of the burnt paper house and car flying high , high up into the sky.

Was wondering,
' Cheston, are you looking over us? Are you somewhere up there watching us? '

Daniel, Kelvin and Myself headed to Thomson plaza to have our dinner after that. In the taxi, Daniel smiled and said,

" The radio is playing Cheston's favourite song. '

Maybe Cheston was sitting in the cab, accompanying us for the dinner. I thought.

Started to talk about Cheston's stuffs again, felt sad... but everything is over.

So we've decided to have a guitar club gathering after exams, venue will be at Novena, this chicken rice shop, that Cheston likes ALOT.

Way back to NTU, looking out of the window, a sudden urge of emoness rushed into me again. I couldn't forget what I saw these few days. I couldn't forget how Cheston's joke and laughters impacted us.

I slept. Hoping it is still a dream, woke up, someone will tell me Cheston is still around.

But no. I woke up, feeling very lost. For once, I let out my emotions.

I called Wanping. I called Zhixiang. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Though I'm not very close to Cheston, but the lost of someone you know... the feeling sucks.

We watched TV and papers everyday, people die in sleep, but we never give a damn. Until it really hits someone near to you, we start to weep. We start to treasure everyone in life.

Why? WHY?

Wanping, Zhixiang, and Guijin, thanks. I just want to say you guys have been great.

Before I end this entry...i recieved Daniel's SMS : Thanks for coming down. This thing has bond us together.

Yes, Cheston, you will be remembered.

I will end your entry here, but you always be remembered in our hearts.

For now, time , is the healing factor.

In memory of Cheston Chik,
16 September 1986 - 21 October 2007

Memories triggered. This feeling is miserable.

Cheston's incident on the wanbao yesterday. I saw his pictures, there's a sudden sadness that came along. I read the reports, there's different version how cheston left us.






After his wake, i'm feeling rather low. Kept thinking about what I saw. Kept telling myself it's a joke. Kept telling myself he's around us.

I'm just escaping from reality.

Cheston will be glad that he has create an impact in our lives. But, this impact is really too harsh on us.

I was searching for blogs online, about cheston. Reading these blogs, again, his image flash in my mind again.

'I remembered back then, I think, Cheston tried to teach me how to play notes on the guitar...Then I read the part that kian huat decribing the wake...especially about the guitar...I teared...'

- http://www.acerampage.blogspot.com/

'He was lying in there with a black blazer and AJ tie. There was a pearl between his lips. His skin had grown dark in places and his lips were too. He lay in that seemingly small yellow-coloured coffin. .......... There was a guitar and a pair of drumsticks on top of the coffin, another 2 guitars by the sides, the latest one on his left, an electric guitar bought barely a week ago.'

- http://rwrite.blogspot.com/

'I was studying at the lounge when I received news you departed us. When I saw the message your friend sent, my heart broke because it was too sudden. I began to cry and told myself it was okay, because people have to leave us. But then, all that was going through my mind was "why?", "why you?", "where are you now?", "how?". '

-http://dearam.blogspot.com/

While i was talking to zhixiang and seeman on msn.... they said something that I think was very true:

'The whole AJC weeps.'

- Zhixiang

' Yes, I really felt bad last night, cried when I was in bed. '

- Seeman


This afternoon, Cheston will be cremated. His identity on earth will be lost forever, but his spirits will always remain in our hearts.

Cheston, we all missed you.

Sending a message from a friend afar.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Cheston, you will be missed.

Cheston has left us to another world due to asthma attack. He was called home by lord on the 21st October 2007.

The news was too sudden. Up till now, i still thought it was a joke.

I attended his wake just now. I didn't expect to attend a friend's wake at my age of 21. Just now at the wake, Kelvin chew said,

" How I wished this has been a joke. How I wished he will appear suddenly from one of the doors."

I recieved the news on Monday afternoon. Was going for my econs lecture, until Zhen Hui stopped me ,

" Do you remember cheston? "

Thinking his question was stupid, I smiled , " Of course, why? "

" He just passed away last night . "


Stunned.

I didn't know what to say, or how to react instantly. My mind was totally blank.

While I was walking back to hall, the memories of guitar club committee working together during concert , and having weekly practise kept flashing in my mind.

Cheston was such a joker, bringing laughters to everyone's hearts. I've never seen him flare up his temper. He's always that Mr Nice Man who have patience in imparting his excellent guitar skills to us.

All this has suddenly become a history. But it will never be forgotten.

What pains me the most, was when I found out the reason to his death.

He had an asthma attack, but his asthma inhaler was expired. His parents was overseas.

I kept thinking the ordeal he had suffered through.

At his wake, I saw cheston's funeral pic. His guitar was placed on top of the coffin. That feeling... it hurts. It really hurts to see his picture up there.

It really hurts.

People, cherish everyone outthere. Life is too unpredictable. We only start to treasure those around us, when things get too late. Now I've been through it, I understand that. Cheston's death has really wakened me up.

To my friends out there, be strong. Cheston will be better in another world. He brought laughters to us, he loves to see the smiles on our faces. Let us promise him to flaunt our smile one last time. He wouldn't want to see us crying. He wouldn't want to burden us.

He will be an angel up there, looking after all of us.

Take care my friend, you will be greatly missed.

Cheston's wake will be held at Singapore Casket, Lavendar St, lvl 5. Cortege will leave on 25 Oct at 2.45pm to Mandai (3.45pm)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Shixian's 21st birthday

Celebrated shixian's 21st birthday with my sec sch friends today. Or you can call us the 真情 group. I'm now at home, using this senile computer which drive me crazy. So slow...and it hangs like mad. How I wish I had my laptop beside me now. I hope my computer don't crash ....


Shixian the birthday boy


Zhiquan the driver for the day, shixian, and kenneth...with his kembangan girl scandal


We went to this very 狗不拉屎 place call Ben's place. Very ulu... and I was late. They tell me 7pm close! What!? So reached there @ 6.40pm, hurry up finished my food, before we proceed to the next station.


Thank's shixian for treating us. Haha...weiliang couldn't make it. Aye...don't know who say 21st birthday very important must attend lo...lol. K lah, don't suan him lah, people got learn boxing 1 leh.


Myself with birthday boy outside Ben's place


After that, all of us squeezed into zhiquan's car. Unbelievable? Yes..but we did it! Haha, but looked at the aftermath, shuyi's leg cramp, can't come out of the car.



Hair messy...


Glad that she survived an 'ordeal' ...lol


We went to this ice cream gallery... well, all of us lost our way. And zhiquan's just keep spinning around siglap area.

When we saw this famous ice cream gallery shop, we only have one thing in mind:

Finally.


Squeezing in the small corner... crapping around with zhiquan

Well... thanks shixian for his ice cream treat~ lol.

Hasn't been updating for quite a while. Rather stress with school work. Exams coming up in 3 weeks time~

Alot of things to look forward to after exams...meanwhile, i can only bite my teeth and endure!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Rearing fish in hall!

My roomie has recently 'IMPORTED' fishtank to our room...haha. Invited many guests' curiosity.

But I warned my roomie , tiensoon : If you mess up the room, I will bring a cAt to eat up all your fishes!

Luckily, everything's still pretty fine so far.

Some of his fishes just died recently. Looking at my size... tiensoon seems to have a feeling that I killed the fish, in order to KIAP it into my daily 2 piece bread breadfast as tuna.

Haha, just joking.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Busy taking photos...wah, this photo was taken using my videocam, we had a hard time just taking this 3 photos. lol



And some visitors...


Sophia and...my finger. Priscilla was blocked by my fat fingers.

I meant fat fingers, not fish fingers.

Aye, really getting hungry.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Hongkong Cafe - my 2nd home and some misc updates

I need a break. Have been doing my lab report for the pass few days. I think i focus too much, now I'm totally exhausted at the question part. Which is the most important part. Sometimes I really think that I'm abit mentally slower compare to my peers. Many of them have been asking me why am I STILL doing my report since tuesday. But I really admit I'm slower, my lectures, my tutorials, I take longer time to understand, I take longer time to do. Many times I feel like giving up, but i need to tell myself that I always need to put in an extra mile of effort compare to others. They give in 100%, I will need to give in 150%.

I have exert myself too much. Its only half way through the semester, but I'm already exhausted. The mind of giving up always appear in my mind. Oh no. Holy freak, how am I going to suffer to the exams.

Ya, talk too much. Some pics here.


Recently, I have been camping in this Hongkong Cafe near my house. It opens until 6am and has free wireless access. And its walking distant from my house. Shuyi met me yest at hongkong cafe. And I was doing my report till 5am in the morning. So i stayed in the cafe from 5pm to 5am. HAha, 12 hours. When I call for the bill, it was $44 plus. I think too hungry. Drank too many cups of milk tea, ate carrot cake, toast. I just ordered anything when I felt hungry. And when I'm stressed. Need a break!



My laptop that accompany this few days. If someone were to steal my laptop, I'm going to curse him badly. Maybe drop down from the aeroplane then fell onto the railway track and roll over by the monorail train. Cause all my reports are inside. 1 week of hardwork. And now I haven't finish yet. Notice my laptop bag beside? Yeh, jc friends, thanks..I'm using that now. My wall paper...haha. I just simply like that pic. But weiliang face kena cover up. NVM lah, that guy. HAha.

Some updates from Junwen and Colleen's 21st birthday celebration . It was held at millenia walk outback steak. 23/9/07, the day after my 21st. All of us was shacked...esp being part of the committee, they really did alot lah. Thanks! Good job! Really blessed to have such good friends around. Sometimes I realised i give my friends an impression that I take them for granted, but actually, I treasure these friendship , just don't know how to express myself. Prefer to go happy-go-lucky. Haha, rather than being serious all the time.

And thanks junwen and colleen for treating us.


Junwen with his 'beer'! He is the beer king~ not blur king


Colleen, with kenneth and zhiquan. Colleen is the beer queen~ ahah. Whats wrong with kenneth, haha, sensitive to camera sia.


My food. Shuyi termed it as the kids meal. My size? Kid? HmmM..


The very organised pic, majiam family photo.


The guys with junwen.


K lah. go do my report liao. Sometimes I wonder, I can sit down to do lots of things to my blog, but I can't convert these energy and spirit to my report. Why ah. Haiz..k lah. This entry sound kind of serious.

Really need a break.